The Minds Labyrinth

  Day 1 - Favorite Book in the Series Tie between Half Blood Prince or The Goblet of Fire.  Day 2 - Least Favorite Book in the Series Order of the Phoenix too boring in my opinion but it's been years since I read it so maybe I'll like it now. Day 3 - Favorite Character All of them? Okay fine Luna or Gred and Forge. They're a package deal...were a package deal? Are?  Day 4 - Favorite Villain Voldemort. He's twisted but it's great.  Day 5 - Saddest Moment Battle of Hogwarts Day 6 - Favorite Professor Snape Snape Severus Snape... Day 7 - Least Favorite Professor Binns  Day 8 - Favorite Subject Potions. Duh.  Day 9 - Least Favorite Subject Divination  Day 10 - Favorite Shop in Diagon Alley Ollivander's because wands or Eeylops because owls.  Day 11 - Most Beautiful Character Luna. She's everything I hope to one day be. Day 12 - Most Missed Dead Cha...

It's been four months and it still hurts. Most days the feeling goes away or my day starts normal but it always goes to the same place, what if it didn't happen? How could I be so horrible? Why did I make this happen? It's that dark secret that no one talks about but a lot of people go through and I'm going to share my own story because I'm tired of silence. In June this year after a stressful move and a bout of depression so bad I was on medication I noticed something a little off. My period had been late for the first time since Jon was bored, I was tired, cranky, sick all the time, and most importantly my tummy was starting to look a little more round than usual. The test was negative and I shrugged it off and kept about my life. But the feeling that something wasn't right just wouldn't leave. Another negative test a week later and I decided it was time to see the doctor. Negative urine test but the doctor agreed, the symptoms were clear and we'd ...

So to start off my being back I figured every week I can post an update because I was gone for like a year. It will be a series of the good, the bad, and the ugly. In between I can post my usual ramblings for you lovelies.

Just a warning for all of you, this post will contain a fair amount of cussing and anger. If that's not your cup of tea please turn back now.  It all started with a goddamn diaper genie. The source of my mother fucking problems is the size of a small child and exists to dispose of baby shit. What is this about you may ask? Welcome to Dandie's Story hour where I greet the world with a great big fuck you. It's been one hell of a week. It started last night when my son was up all night throwing up because teething, that's a thing, So we were up until roughly 8am before he fell asleep, not too bad right? Wrong. It was Mother's Day here, the corporate holiday that exists to make mom's feel like they're worth it, and my sister decided to ditch me and go to my mom's on her own making me look like a massive dick and her look great! Then the topping on the shit cake happened. There was a knock on the door so naturally fiance answered. The landlords decided...

Happy Holidays to all you lovely people out there =D. Hope it was filled with lots of love and great food. It was baby's first christmas so naturally it was hectic as all hell. Figuring out where to go  and when and how long.  Second note of this post, because I can't really say much more on Christmas without going into a full on rant about babies and family and all that jazz, I am a terrible boss. Seriously. As many you probably don't know writing here is my current job and I am terrible at it. Not the writing part, my writing is good, I'm talking about the part of the job where I tell myself in an angry gruff voice "GET BACK TO WORK!"  The manly gruff voice DOES tell me to work but the easily distracted and procrastinator side is like "Work? NEVAR! =D"  Then months down the line between posts I really I have a thousand and one brainstormed ideas that I can write about but can't because now they're all scattered ...

So I crashed. Slept for a good 2? hours. Now I'm awake and so tired that my hair hurts. That's about all I have energy to type.

My heart feels like it's going to boom. The thump thump is thump thumping =D. Baby is up, husband is up. I'm making meat pies. Not Mrs Lovitt's meat pies. Dandie Lyon's meat pie emporium! =D. Who wants one? I had something REALLY worth reading to say, I think, but I sincerely forgot what it was. Probably that I'm not tired and I can see sounds. Yeah. That was most definitely probably it. I swear I've only had coffee. I look wonderful with no sleep. I'm rocking it. B-e-a-utiful <3. Husband says I need to lay off the coffee. Blasphemy, Also my brother said Harry Potter isn't real and that broke my heart and now I'm sad.

It's currently 7:41am where I am and I haven't slept yet. I've been up all night and my body is exhausted but it's decided that self sabotage last night was a great plan and to just not sleep. Why not sleep now that you're sure that you'll pass out as soon as your head hits the pillow? Because I have a doctors appointment at 9:40am and seriously what's the point in less than 2 hours of sleep? So like any good blogger I'm going to document my day, when I can, for you lovelies. Because you're all awesome and I love you <3. Currently I am really flapping hyper and jittery and wide awake and sleepy and jesusfuckingchristbrainslowthefuckdown. Baby is asleep, husband is asleep and I just had a bath with pure cold water because my landlords are normal humans and they're waking up for work and used it all. So I'm fucking cold and my hair is drippy and this coffee is probably twice as strong as I'm supposed to make it so let's start t...

For those of you that are still here, that still read every post and look forward to new ones, thank you so much. To those of you that are new here, welcome. I'm sorry for the lack of posts. It's been a rough time for me and it's hard to remember that there's this website to post on. The thing is life is kicking my ass. I'm a mother that can't look after her son because I'm constantly sick and that puts a huge damper on parenting. I'm a writer struggling with writers block. It's like my creativity is trapped in a box and it can't get out. I'm a human that is struggling with the idea of my life being frail, the realization that I'm not immortal. The truth of the matter is I'm stuck. Stuck in a storm cloud feeling lost and alone and afraid, feeling confused and trying so hard to get out. I've been lost for months now. It's not easy feeling like every direction is more blackness and no matter where you turn you can't find...

My new house has a cupboard under the stairs. Am officially Harry Potter. Kaythanksbai

John Lemon and Yolko Ono. Laugh. I demand it. Seriously.

Lately a lot of people have had problems with me and made false assumptions on who I am, not only as a person but as a mother. The truth I'm complicated. I've never had so many people trying to figure out who I am without actually getting to know me. So here it is: I have OCD. I like things my way or I panic. The dishes have to be organized by color, the clothes folded a certain way, my clothes on the left, husband's on the right. Pictures need to be straight. My socks can't match. I check the locks 3 times before bed and make sure there's no knives out. My favorite colors change daily. My nails are never all the same color, my hair is never a natural shade of anything. I'm not shy or antisocial but I prefer to view the world in silence than to actually interact much. I can come off as standoffish but I promise I'm not. I never judge people without knowing them. I'm easily frustrated. If it were an option I'd live in books because reality hurts...

Lately my sleep has been cursed with horrifying nightmares. They happen more often then they should and since the hospital scare I've been quite uneasy and restless, scared I'll die any moment and lose my son and husband. So I thought I'd share my most recent nightmare with you all because it left me in hysterics. It started with me and husband in a town, running from something of unknown origin. I had no idea where we were headed or why all I knew was something was after me. We reached a house and asked for shelter as it was night and cold and they let us in.  My bestfriend showed up shortly after and told us of a festival they had downtown so we set off for that to take our mind off whatever had running. Once we arrived I realized I had left something back at the house so I made my way there on horse back, weirdly enough. I made my way up the hill and saw a little girl dressed in white with light pink hair standing there talking to herself and as I got closer anot...

Just a quick note before I begin, I was admitted into hospital and after various tests was told I had a potentially life threatening condition called pancreatitis. I was admitted into the hospital for four days and sent home begrudgingly until I have surgery to get my gallbladder out. These are my notes to the staff, patients, and general people at the hospital while I was there. Dear Nurses, Last time I checked giving a patient morphine that wasn't doctor ordered or asked for by a patient while they're asleep no less isn't legal. You should probably not do that to anyone else. Dear Family Doctor, Thank you for taking the time to make social visits to be sure I was okay. That was sweet and really out of character. Stay awesome. Dear Elderly Woman in the chair across from me in Emergency, Thank you for making me a little less lonely while I was there alone. It was nice to have someone to talk to and you were really sweet. Dear Hospital Staff, Thanks for the delux...

I don't know if I've made this clear to you guys but I love Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. We made the decision to name a boy Jonathon. We had our appointment to learn the gender of our baby on the first snow we had had all year and learned we were having a baby boy, we took it as a sign. Jon Snow, snowy day, baby boy Jonathon. It snowed again in March when I went into what we were sure was early labor. We learned that no it wasn't but I would surely have the baby early. The day was April 11th. It's was 10pm and I had just left the bath when I felt a trickle of liquid running down my legs and had no idea what was going on. A trip to the hospital and an internal examination told me my water had broken and the next day they would jump start labor. April 12 1pm I was admitted into the hospital and given oxytocin to start labor before infection set in. 8 hours later I had another examination where they discovered my waters hadn't fully ruptured so they broke them ...

A few months ago I had it in my head that I would become the most amazing blogger ever, that I would share my every aspect of growing a baby and post weekly. This has been proven false. I had it in my head that pregnancy would be easy. That I would be one of those cute happy pregnant ladies that every mother tells you about. That it would be this great experience and I would glow and infect people in my over-elated baby growing state. The truth of the matter is pregnancy sucks. It has it's up points, don't get me wrong, but in general this shit sucks. The baby is heavy and throws off your balance, everything takes on a new scent, being comfortable is a luxury that now lasts about .5 seconds before baby finds a new way to move to throw that off, back pains, stomach pains, constant hunger, sore feet, a plethora of complications that are both rare and scary....And yet I find myself not able to regret a thing. Hearing about how horrible everything is makes me think "Why ...

Because I love you guys so much and it is the holiday season here is another pants picture of David Bowie from Labyrinth. Am I like some kind of Bowie pants bulge drug dealer? Probably. Should I be giving you guys hits of this particular obsession? Probably not. Am I okay with being known as that weird blog that features his pants? Absolutely. Does this count as a quality post? 

I need to get some things off my chest because if I don't I might go insane pondering it all. It's time to set free what's locked in my head. This will be a serious post.  Update: Just as another warning I am in no way depressed or miserable. I'm simply aimless.  I feel like I'm the captain of a ship floating along in black waters surrounded by nothingness. Everything feels more than a little out of reach and with the baby on the way I'm a bit scared that this feeling will pilot my entire being. I realize that some of you may not want to hear about how lost I feel but this blog exists as a means for me to step outside of being who everyone wants me to be and step into who I truly am. A way to express how I'm feeling or just ramble on about nothing important just to get it out of my head and into a place where it can float freely. I can't exactly understand why I feel so lost and stranded. Why it feels like everything is out of reach and I...

It all started with an Elvis cup. Okay not really but I wish that was the beginning, in truth that's about the half-way mark. It actually all started with dust. Lots and lots of dust. Husband and I were getting ready for a move closer to my family doctor and well family for more support and all that jazz. . We spent a week doing nothing but packing   We spent a week preparing for the move We spent two days of the two weeks we knew about the move actually packing and the rest pretending to pack while in reality I was procrastinating. It's an illness, I can't help it. My room was a mess. Imagine a tornado, hurricane, earthquake, tsunami all hit at once and that was our bedroom. Our entire floor was coated in a carpet made out of dirty laundry. Like I said, I procrastinate...a lot. The packing stirred the dust and I inhaled it causing me to choke and be hit with a sudden sharp and immobilizing pain near to where I assume the baby is located. I assumed it was nothing and...

Happy Halloween to all my bootiful readers! =D. I hope you all enjoyed your "Day of the Dead" festivities. It's the best day of the year in my opinion, it's the one day of the year where it's appropriate to scare little kids and potentially scar them for life, hopefully not to the latter. Today I did just that. I put on some face paint and some cute clothes and sat on a bench just glancing at people passing by. It did the trick. Now to the more pressing matter at hand, firecrackers. I'm all for lighting off the occasional firecracker in celebration but currently it sounds like World War 3 is going on outside my house. Seriously, shrapnel hit the windows. Do that all you want but remember to be safe and consider of the people around. That's all I'm asking. How did you guys spend your Halloween? Leave a comment and let me know!