This Is Me.

Lately a lot of people have had problems with me and made false assumptions on who I am, not only as a person but as a mother. The truth I'm complicated. I've never had so many people trying to figure out who I am without actually getting to know me. So here it is:

I have OCD. I like things my way or I panic. The dishes have to be organized by color, the clothes folded a certain way, my clothes on the left, husband's on the right. Pictures need to be straight. My socks can't match. I check the locks 3 times before bed and make sure there's no knives out.

My favorite colors change daily. My nails are never all the same color, my hair is never a natural shade of anything. I'm not shy or antisocial but I prefer to view the world in silence than to actually interact much. I can come off as standoffish but I promise I'm not.

I never judge people without knowing them. I'm easily frustrated. If it were an option I'd live in books because reality hurts too much. I spend more time in my own head than I do in the real world and that tends to frustrate people.

The way I feel about anything is subject to change in a matter of seconds leading to frustration for everyone. I'm a mess. OCD or not my house always seems to find it's way into a lovely state of organized chaos and that's just how I like it.

Labor was painless and I could do it a hundred more times but come near me with a needle and I will scream. Spiders, moths, clowns, puppets, dolls, little kids, ghosts, demons, and horror movies are among my most irrational fears. Even a case for a horror movie can give me nightmares. I overthink every horror movie and wonder "What if that's real?!"

Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, Labyrinth, various actors, and Kingdom Hearts are among my obsessions. I love old books, Dorian Gray is my favorite. I've had a university reading level since grade 6. Books are everything, damage my books and I will imagine a thousand horrible things to say to you that I'd never actually say because I can't be mean.

My son is my life. I live for that sweet little boy and I'd die for him. No matter what I do he comes first, sometimes even at the price of my own health.

Like it or not this is me and I won't change for anyone or anything because at the end of the day what counts is how me, my husband, and my son feel about me.

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