The Minds Labyrinth

Happy Holidays to all you lovely people out there =D. Hope it was filled with lots of love and great food. It was baby's first christmas so naturally it was hectic as all hell. Figuring out where to go  and when and how long.  Second note of this post, because I can't really say much more on Christmas without going into a full on rant about babies and family and all that jazz, I am a terrible boss. Seriously. As many you probably don't know writing here is my current job and I am terrible at it. Not the writing part, my writing is good, I'm talking about the part of the job where I tell myself in an angry gruff voice "GET BACK TO WORK!"  The manly gruff voice DOES tell me to work but the easily distracted and procrastinator side is like "Work? NEVAR! =D"  Then months down the line between posts I really I have a thousand and one brainstormed ideas that I can write about but can't because now they're all scattered

So I crashed. Slept for a good 2? hours. Now I'm awake and so tired that my hair hurts. That's about all I have energy to type.

My heart feels like it's going to boom. The thump thump is thump thumping =D. Baby is up, husband is up. I'm making meat pies. Not Mrs Lovitt's meat pies. Dandie Lyon's meat pie emporium! =D. Who wants one? I had something REALLY worth reading to say, I think, but I sincerely forgot what it was. Probably that I'm not tired and I can see sounds. Yeah. That was most definitely probably it. I swear I've only had coffee. I look wonderful with no sleep. I'm rocking it. B-e-a-utiful <3. Husband says I need to lay off the coffee. Blasphemy, Also my brother said Harry Potter isn't real and that broke my heart and now I'm sad.

It's currently 7:41am where I am and I haven't slept yet. I've been up all night and my body is exhausted but it's decided that self sabotage last night was a great plan and to just not sleep. Why not sleep now that you're sure that you'll pass out as soon as your head hits the pillow? Because I have a doctors appointment at 9:40am and seriously what's the point in less than 2 hours of sleep? So like any good blogger I'm going to document my day, when I can, for you lovelies. Because you're all awesome and I love you <3. Currently I am really flapping hyper and jittery and wide awake and sleepy and jesusfuckingchristbrainslowthefuckdown. Baby is asleep, husband is asleep and I just had a bath with pure cold water because my landlords are normal humans and they're waking up for work and used it all. So I'm fucking cold and my hair is drippy and this coffee is probably twice as strong as I'm supposed to make it so let's start t

For those of you that are still here, that still read every post and look forward to new ones, thank you so much. To those of you that are new here, welcome. I'm sorry for the lack of posts. It's been a rough time for me and it's hard to remember that there's this website to post on. The thing is life is kicking my ass. I'm a mother that can't look after her son because I'm constantly sick and that puts a huge damper on parenting. I'm a writer struggling with writers block. It's like my creativity is trapped in a box and it can't get out. I'm a human that is struggling with the idea of my life being frail, the realization that I'm not immortal. The truth of the matter is I'm stuck. Stuck in a storm cloud feeling lost and alone and afraid, feeling confused and trying so hard to get out. I've been lost for months now. It's not easy feeling like every direction is more blackness and no matter where you turn you can't find

My new house has a cupboard under the stairs. Am officially Harry Potter. Kaythanksbai

John Lemon and Yolko Ono. Laugh. I demand it. Seriously.

Lately a lot of people have had problems with me and made false assumptions on who I am, not only as a person but as a mother. The truth I'm complicated. I've never had so many people trying to figure out who I am without actually getting to know me. So here it is: I have OCD. I like things my way or I panic. The dishes have to be organized by color, the clothes folded a certain way, my clothes on the left, husband's on the right. Pictures need to be straight. My socks can't match. I check the locks 3 times before bed and make sure there's no knives out. My favorite colors change daily. My nails are never all the same color, my hair is never a natural shade of anything. I'm not shy or antisocial but I prefer to view the world in silence than to actually interact much. I can come off as standoffish but I promise I'm not. I never judge people without knowing them. I'm easily frustrated. If it were an option I'd live in books because reality hurts

Lately my sleep has been cursed with horrifying nightmares. They happen more often then they should and since the hospital scare I've been quite uneasy and restless, scared I'll die any moment and lose my son and husband. So I thought I'd share my most recent nightmare with you all because it left me in hysterics. It started with me and husband in a town, running from something of unknown origin. I had no idea where we were headed or why all I knew was something was after me. We reached a house and asked for shelter as it was night and cold and they let us in.  My bestfriend showed up shortly after and told us of a festival they had downtown so we set off for that to take our mind off whatever had running. Once we arrived I realized I had left something back at the house so I made my way there on horse back, weirdly enough. I made my way up the hill and saw a little girl dressed in white with light pink hair standing there talking to herself and as I got closer anot

Just a quick note before I begin, I was admitted into hospital and after various tests was told I had a potentially life threatening condition called pancreatitis. I was admitted into the hospital for four days and sent home begrudgingly until I have surgery to get my gallbladder out. These are my notes to the staff, patients, and general people at the hospital while I was there. Dear Nurses, Last time I checked giving a patient morphine that wasn't doctor ordered or asked for by a patient while they're asleep no less isn't legal. You should probably not do that to anyone else. Dear Family Doctor, Thank you for taking the time to make social visits to be sure I was okay. That was sweet and really out of character. Stay awesome. Dear Elderly Woman in the chair across from me in Emergency, Thank you for making me a little less lonely while I was there alone. It was nice to have someone to talk to and you were really sweet. Dear Hospital Staff, Thanks for the delux

I don't know if I've made this clear to you guys but I love Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. We made the decision to name a boy Jonathon. We had our appointment to learn the gender of our baby on the first snow we had had all year and learned we were having a baby boy, we took it as a sign. Jon Snow, snowy day, baby boy Jonathon. It snowed again in March when I went into what we were sure was early labor. We learned that no it wasn't but I would surely have the baby early. The day was April 11th. It's was 10pm and I had just left the bath when I felt a trickle of liquid running down my legs and had no idea what was going on. A trip to the hospital and an internal examination told me my water had broken and the next day they would jump start labor. April 12 1pm I was admitted into the hospital and given oxytocin to start labor before infection set in. 8 hours later I had another examination where they discovered my waters hadn't fully ruptured so they broke them

A few months ago I had it in my head that I would become the most amazing blogger ever, that I would share my every aspect of growing a baby and post weekly. This has been proven false. I had it in my head that pregnancy would be easy. That I would be one of those cute happy pregnant ladies that every mother tells you about. That it would be this great experience and I would glow and infect people in my over-elated baby growing state. The truth of the matter is pregnancy sucks. It has it's up points, don't get me wrong, but in general this shit sucks. The baby is heavy and throws off your balance, everything takes on a new scent, being comfortable is a luxury that now lasts about .5 seconds before baby finds a new way to move to throw that off, back pains, stomach pains, constant hunger, sore feet, a plethora of complications that are both rare and scary....And yet I find myself not able to regret a thing. Hearing about how horrible everything is makes me think "Why