The Minds Labyrinth

It's currently 7:41am where I am and I haven't slept yet. I've been up all night and my body is exhausted but it's decided that self sabotage last night was a great plan and to just not sleep. Why not sleep now that you're sure that you'll pass out as soon as your head hits the pillow? Because I have a doctors appointment at 9:40am and seriously what's the point in less than 2 hours of sleep? So like any good blogger I'm going to document my day, when I can, for you lovelies. Because you're all awesome and I love you <3. Currently I am really flapping hyper and jittery and wide awake and sleepy and jesusfuckingchristbrainslowthefuckdown. Baby is asleep, husband is asleep and I just had a bath with pure cold water because my landlords are normal humans and they're waking up for work and used it all. So I'm fucking cold and my hair is drippy and this coffee is probably twice as strong as I'm supposed to make it so let's start t...

For those of you that are still here, that still read every post and look forward to new ones, thank you so much. To those of you that are new here, welcome. I'm sorry for the lack of posts. It's been a rough time for me and it's hard to remember that there's this website to post on. The thing is life is kicking my ass. I'm a mother that can't look after her son because I'm constantly sick and that puts a huge damper on parenting. I'm a writer struggling with writers block. It's like my creativity is trapped in a box and it can't get out. I'm a human that is struggling with the idea of my life being frail, the realization that I'm not immortal. The truth of the matter is I'm stuck. Stuck in a storm cloud feeling lost and alone and afraid, feeling confused and trying so hard to get out. I've been lost for months now. It's not easy feeling like every direction is more blackness and no matter where you turn you can't find...

My new house has a cupboard under the stairs. Am officially Harry Potter. Kaythanksbai

John Lemon and Yolko Ono. Laugh. I demand it. Seriously.

Lately a lot of people have had problems with me and made false assumptions on who I am, not only as a person but as a mother. The truth I'm complicated. I've never had so many people trying to figure out who I am without actually getting to know me. So here it is: I have OCD. I like things my way or I panic. The dishes have to be organized by color, the clothes folded a certain way, my clothes on the left, husband's on the right. Pictures need to be straight. My socks can't match. I check the locks 3 times before bed and make sure there's no knives out. My favorite colors change daily. My nails are never all the same color, my hair is never a natural shade of anything. I'm not shy or antisocial but I prefer to view the world in silence than to actually interact much. I can come off as standoffish but I promise I'm not. I never judge people without knowing them. I'm easily frustrated. If it were an option I'd live in books because reality hurts...

Lately my sleep has been cursed with horrifying nightmares. They happen more often then they should and since the hospital scare I've been quite uneasy and restless, scared I'll die any moment and lose my son and husband. So I thought I'd share my most recent nightmare with you all because it left me in hysterics. It started with me and husband in a town, running from something of unknown origin. I had no idea where we were headed or why all I knew was something was after me. We reached a house and asked for shelter as it was night and cold and they let us in.  My bestfriend showed up shortly after and told us of a festival they had downtown so we set off for that to take our mind off whatever had running. Once we arrived I realized I had left something back at the house so I made my way there on horse back, weirdly enough. I made my way up the hill and saw a little girl dressed in white with light pink hair standing there talking to herself and as I got closer anot...

Just a quick note before I begin, I was admitted into hospital and after various tests was told I had a potentially life threatening condition called pancreatitis. I was admitted into the hospital for four days and sent home begrudgingly until I have surgery to get my gallbladder out. These are my notes to the staff, patients, and general people at the hospital while I was there. Dear Nurses, Last time I checked giving a patient morphine that wasn't doctor ordered or asked for by a patient while they're asleep no less isn't legal. You should probably not do that to anyone else. Dear Family Doctor, Thank you for taking the time to make social visits to be sure I was okay. That was sweet and really out of character. Stay awesome. Dear Elderly Woman in the chair across from me in Emergency, Thank you for making me a little less lonely while I was there alone. It was nice to have someone to talk to and you were really sweet. Dear Hospital Staff, Thanks for the delux...