You Don't Know The Half Of It - The Centicoon

So this tale happened today actually. It all started when I went to shower, an everyday activity for me. I showered and went to wrap up my hair when a giant something fell into the tub. It was the size of a finger and wiggling around like a little cylindrical death machine of legs.

It was a centipede. A huge motherfucking centipede wiggling in the tub after taking a leap of faith from my towel. It went all LEROY JENKINS and leaped. Time froze as I looked at it and it looked at me, both mutually disgruntled. Okay okay enough theatrics.

I spotted it, threw my towel, jumped from the tub wrapped up in a different towel and screamed bloody murder while running to my boyfriend begging for help oh and lets not forget the bawling miserably.

Twenty minutes went by and I finally emerged, boyfriend in tow, wiping my eyes and sniffling. It took about an hour before anyone could convince me there wasn't an army of centipedes trying to make their home in my body.

Time past and I contently played Minecraft when we heard something rumaging outside our window. We all froze and stared, terrified to open the curtain, and tried to figure out what in the bloody hell was making all that noise this early in the morning.

Boyfriend grabbed his guitar and positioned himself at the door, slowly unlocking it while I continually said "pleasedontpleasedontpleasedontpleasedont". Finally we mustered the courage and found this:



This is Tails. I named it Tails because this raccoon has no tail and I'm hilarious. Tails is gone now but I took plenty of pictures before it scurried off never to be seen again...unless it comes back...then I will welcome it with open arms from a safe distance where it can't maul and eat me.

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